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so , assuming the zombie apocalypse hasn't started yet , you should probably start evaluating your chances, if you are lucky enough to live in a house with shutters on the windows (being in France , i am) then make sure they close and lock easily , if not ,use metal and wood as manual reinforcement techniques during the attack , then brick up your windows .
Stock up with food , try and get it up high , eg the atic ,and water purification utilities.
plan the best place to get food ,buy a wood burner for heat , and a generator for electricity.
If it is legal in your country , then spending some money on some guns could save your life
.if not , stock up on melee weapons ,and a clay pidgin shooter , also , if air rifles are legal in your country buy one .
ok
so ,it happens , first step , warn us folk on joejoe ,we are all zombie decapitating professionals (cr1t1cal is very good, i think you could find him at maplins (i think it is maplins) somewhere in scotland) . first step is temporarily seal up your house , (windows and doors) with metal and wood ,and brick them up ASAP ,this will stop zombies breaking in ,immidiatly (before your internet connection goes down) go on the forum to the emergency JJST (JOEJOESWATTEAM) Subforum ,and find neerby joejoe users to join the army against the zombie invasion .
When you are ready , prepare yourself to leave , if you live in the UK , head for Scotland , if you live in the US , head for Canada , if you live in Europe, head for the Auvergne in France, if you live in Russia , head for Siberia , if you live in southern Asia , head for the mountains , it is a general rule that by leaving the populated areas ,you escape most zombie invasions,
now, the important bit , arming yourself , if you are in a country where free handling of guns is allowed, then go ahead , you are ok , if not follow this guide on what to take :
1. nail gun , hit zombies in the eye with these and they will loose all scenes of movement and run around the place aimlessly,
2.Fireworks : if you can , grab some , they make good distractions or weapons as an alternative to a rocket launcher.
3.Cricket/Baseball bat : should dispatch zombie heads pretty well.
4. the local farmers rifle ok , this is cheating but still.
5. once Churchill said , in case of a zombie invasion, use a clay pidgin shooter with cd's to blow your bloody enemy to kingdom come , and he was right , now get to it !
6.A Homemade flamethrower will work well against the undead.
7.Drain COvers : not throw them , but take them off , remember , when zombies are craving the flesh of the living ,they don't think to look down ,
8.sport equipment ,Javlins , bows , bowling balls , hockey sticks ,skiis , golfclubs , ect
9.take the advice of shawn of the dead , and know that that gun on the wall in the pub is real and probably not disactivated , profit
10. in theory ,zombies are made of rotting flesh ,so some kind of antiseptic (for example sudocrem) can help destroy zombies
11. Reanimated Linux Badger : if you run over a badger on the way ,why not install linux on it and make it do your bidding with remote ssh and sudo ?
http://www.strangeho...05/badger.shtml
12.if all else fails , use undead body parts to kill off .
head for your nearest anti zombie HQ , where joejoe members will be in touch.
we hope this guide ensures the safety of joejoe users in the future .
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